I have a lot going on this weekend. My stepson is going back to college. My other son has baseball practice. I am going to see The Help with the girls. I’m pretty busy.
That’s why I can’t make it to the Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries wedding on Saturday. The American Royal Wedding.
Well, that and the fact that I wasn’t invited.
It’s too bad, really. Imagine what the favors will be like.
When the bride has a $2 million, 20.5 carat engagement ring, they have to at least give the wedding guests a cute little Prius or a pony or something. Or maybe a pair of Louboutins each. All bearing the initials of the bride and groom, of course. I hate to miss that.
I really may be in the minority, though. It sounds like almost everyone is invited. Ryan Seacrest and Kathy Lee are both invited and going, as are Lara Spencer from Good Morning America and Katie Couric. Kelly Ripa and The Donald are invited, but not going. Tareq and Michaele Salahi, the White House party crashers are not invited, but purportedly are going anyway.
That’s ok. I really have been looking forward to seeing The Help.
Kidding aside, however, there is something deeply distasteful about this over-the-top display of conspicuous consumption. This is especially true at this moment in time that can be described, at very least, as economically uncertain. Let’s just say I have friends and acquaintances who have quite literally lost their homes and spend sleepless nights worrying about how they will make it through the month. This storyline is repeated all over the country. Millions on a party for two people? Just doesn’t seem right.
Sure, every bride dreams of the beautiful ring, the gorgeous dress and the great party. And, sure, most of us spend more on that particular party than reason and practicality support. But it is estimated that this wedding (Kim’s second, by the way) will top $10 million. Ten million dollars. $10,000,000. Holy crap.
That’s at least $12 million, between the ring and the wedding. I decided to look at $12 million. How long would it take the average person (who actually does something valuable for a living, say) to earn $12 million in salary?
- If you made $50,000 a year (as a teacher, for example), it would take you 240 YEARS to earn $12 million. Only 40 of those years would be spent earning the $2 million that Kim’s ring cost.
- If you doubled your salary and made $100,000 a year, it would only take you 120 YEARS to earn $12 million. 20 years for the ring.
- If you doubled your salary again and made $200,000 a year, it would only take you 60 YEARS to earn $12 million. Only 10 years for the ring.
- If you had a job making $12 an hour and worked 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, it would take you just over 480 and 3/4 YEARS to earn $12 million. Only 80 of those years would be spent to buy the ring.
This would all be before you paid taxes and social security etc. And of course, you couldn’t spend a single penny. For 480 years.
I hope they have fun.
I have nothing against Kim Kardashian. She is clearly quite beautiful. And famous. Famous for …what? Famous for being on tv, for having a graphic “leaked” sex tape, for posing nude in Playboy, for being on Dancing with the Stars, for suing an actress who has the nerve to resemble her, for having a big butt.
Oh, I see. She is famous for being famous. And now, because of her extravagant wedding (which will no doubt be the subject of some sort of television special and countless magazine spreads), the American Royal Wedding, for Pete’s sake, she will be even MORE FAMOUS.
And with fame comes … more money.
So by spending the equivalent of the gross national product of a small country on a second wedding (resulting in a marriage that, statistically speaking, doesn’t have a ghost of a chance of lasting more than five years), Kim and Kris (don’t get me started about professional athletes) will become even richer.
The worst part of the whole thing, though, is this: WE MAKE IT ALL HAPPEN. We create the false celebrity because we simply cannot look away. We cannot help being manipulated by the reality tv producers who package their “stars” and script their “lives” so that they do things and face situations that we are drawn to, like junkies drawn to heroin.
The very worst part? I am as guilty, if not more, than anyone. I eat it all up and ask for seconds. I talk about “what idiots” these reality stars are, and how tacky, and how dysfunctional. What complete losers! Thank goodness I know what is really important in life! Aren’t I lucky to live a normal life and to have my priorities straight? Aren’t I just soooo much better than them? Then I set the DVR to record the next episode.
By the way, I have a big butt. It’s never earned me a dime.